sexy

[Genesis 2:4 – 3:10]

At the apex of the creation story that we find in Genesis; at its very heart and point of focus, we find these words:

'The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.' - Gen 2:25

Having journeyed with the author through his poetic narrative to this point, we come to realize that the nakedness described here runs much deeper than a simple commentary on their lack of clothing. Rather, to mention the comfortable nakedness of these first people is to penetrate the callousness of of own experience and the knee jerk reactions of absurdity and awkwardness we feel at such a mental picture and pull out a profoundly essential, though perhaps deeply latent, longing; the longing for home.

The nakedness of Adam and Eve is a potent visual representation of everything that rebellion has cost us. These are people... undivided. Perfectly connected. To God. To Creation. To each other. To themselves. It is a picture of people who have nothing to hide; the blessed union of identity, self awareness, transparency and relationship.

The Hebrews describe this as 'Shalom'.

Some theologians have described it simply as 'the way it ought to be'.

However you describe it, it is a picture of the world and the relationships that we have been built for. And it is what, over the course of the next chapter of Genesis, we watch ourselves walk away from. As we choose the path of self-sufficiency, self-identity and self-government - in the tragic/comic irony of leaves declaring independence from the vine - we find these relationships broken on every level.

Enter insecurity. Shame. Guilt. Blame. Hiding.

Clothing.

Where there was once perfect relationship, we find ourselves broken, divided and deeply disconnected.

Which, as a backdrop, provides a fascinating lens on human sexuality as we see it play out all around us.

[much of what follows is derived from a teaching by Rob Bell called 'sexy on the inside', which incidentally provides the framework for one chapter in his most recent book, 'Sex God'... which you should buy and read... right now]

:: The english word, 'sex' finds its root in the Latin; 'secare'. Literally, secare means 'to sever, amputate, disconnect from the whole'. It is from this term that we also get words like 'section', 'dissect', etc.

Sex... disconnection. Fascinating.

Through this lens, our ‘Sexuality’ might be understood as our awareness of our disconnection - that separation that finds its origin in the fall - and our desire/search to find reconnection… Perhaps we become consciously aware of our sexuality as the tension between our own disconnection and the kind of relationship that, deep down, our soul tells us we’ve been built for.Perhaps the felt reality of our sexuality is that straining of our whole being for the reclamation of shalom.

This is about so much more than two people fumbling around in the dark… This is about so much more than physical union. In fact, unless we recognize this longing in ourselves - for deep connection and for real relationship - we are apt to allow our understanding of our own sexuality to become, at best, shrunken and, at worst, totally hijacked by the definitions of our culture.

In his book, Bell comments on the irony of sexual expressions that assume that begin and end with the merely physical:

" [these friends] help me understand why the Right Light district in Amsterdam is so sexually repressed. If you have ever walked through this part of the city, where prostitution is legal, you know it can be a bit jarring to have the women in the windows gesturing to you, inviting you to come in and have 'sex' with them.

What is so striking is how unsexual that whole section of the city is. There are lots of people 'having sex' night and day, but that's all it is. There's no connection...

And so in the Red Light district, there's lots of physical interaction and no connection. There's lots of people having lots of physical sex - for some it's their job - and yet it's not a very sexual place at all.

There's even a phrase that people use with a straight face - 'casual sex'. The rationale is often, 'it's just sex.'

Exactly. When it's just sex, then that's all it is. It leaves a person deeply unconnected." p.43

In contrast, Mother Theresa has been described by people who knew her as an extremely sexual (one writer has even used the word 'erotic') person… And she was a virgin her whole life. This was not a ‘repressed’ woman. She had a vibrant, living, sexuality… It was this energy and drive that she channeled into her profound, earth shaking connection with the poorest and most overlooked people on earth.

Our problem is that we have taken one, very small, aspect of sexuality – that of a physical interaction between two people – and have made this the whole conversation… In reality, our sexuality is ALL the ways we strive to reconnect with our world, with each other, and with God.

We may feel that euphoria of connection at a concert, a sporting event, or in corporate worship… Though music, or being immersed in the beauty of creation… In ‘tell-all’ conversations that last all night, or over a casserole at a family reunion… That sense of connection that makes us feel as if, for a moment, the world is as it should be.

On the flip side, we feel that tension and disconnection in our grief over a broken relationship, in news clips that convince us that there is just no way we could ever all get along… When we’re lonely even when we’re surrounded by a group of friends… When we just wish we didn’t have to hide anymore, and wish that people would love us even if they really knew us.

Sex is about connection.

Its about connection... and commitment. One of the biggest lies our culture shoves down our throats is that we can have the meaningful connections we deeply long for without any kind of commitment… Without having anything demanded of us.

Because you see, I want to connect with you; but I want to keep my options open. Because what if you get annoying (or fat, or have bad breath, or a troublesome family, or are generally less interesting than I thought you were initially)? I need to have the freedom to disconnect if this should ever become too hard.

How many female friends do I have that fall into the patterns of live-in boyfriends and indefinite 'engagements' when, if they're feeling honest, they'd admit that all they want is a pair of rings and the assurance that this whole affair is more than a 'test drive'? What is it about commitment that makes us feel whole... or authentically valued?

Beyond dating, the reason so many marriages fail is that so many of us fail to appreciate or realize the beautiful thing about marriage IS the commitment.

It’s when you get past the honeymoon and start to uncover the ugly, broken pieces of each other… and stick it out… and love each other MORE because of it because you’ve connected at a deeper place, having that much less to hide… THAT’s where it gets beautiful. That's where it gets real.

The tragedy is that most people never get to that place, because they were never told to expect that real connection would be costly.

This obviously happens in the context of romantic relationships, but as we've been discussing, this is only a small percentage of our expressed sexuality when it comes to the search for meaningful connection. No, this 'sexual dysfunction' of the failure to commit also plagues us in the context of community. We Christians even have a term for what it looks like:

‘Church-hopping’.

Which by any other name might just sound, appropriately, like an outward expression of our rampant, unhinged consumerism; the cancer of self-regard. It is the perspective that I, as a consumer of religious goods and services have the right to demand everything and sacrifice nothing. The customer is always right.

I have no reason to stay in any community that stretches, demands, or simply isn't hip (or square) enough for me. With no appreciation for commitment or any degree of long-suffering, there's nothing to keep me from hitting the road should this become to difficult. In something that I could describe no better than ecclesiastical masturbation, I'll keep moving until I find a community that shows less resistance to my efforts to create it in my own image.

::The tragedy of this pattern - whether romantically, in the context of community, or otherwise - is that, ultimately, we miss out on the connection that everything in us longs for.

When we refuse to realize that relationship will be costly… When we think that we can cover over our disconnection by simply being attractive enough, drawing enough attention from the right people, by giving ourselves away to anyone who might be interested… or by taking what they have to give…

We reduce ourselves to the sum total of what we can consume and the pleasures we can experience.

We are so much more.

:: Our world would tell us that ‘sexy’ is a fleeting physical reality, attained by a few blessed-born individuals or those who can afford to buy it. It’s something that can be captured in a photo and something that quickly diminishes with age unless we purchase the right supplements and work out enough. Sexy is the number of people you can convince to consume you with their eyes and give nothing back.

Scripture would tell us something different, if we are willing to listen. ‘Sexy’ is a person who is fully present. A person who is letting themselves be healed, made whole, and so able to give themselves away without becoming something less than what they were. Sexy is being deeply connected… Mother Theresa connected. Connected with their creator, with creation, and with who they’ve been created to be. To ‘sexy’ is to be fully, alarmingly, scandalously and infectiously alive. Fully human.

This is the journey Jesus invites us in to.

May we be truly sexy people... In all the ways that matter, and in none of the ways that don't.